O is for overwhelm: Reminder to breathe

Happy Fall Y’all (sorry couldn’t resist)!

I’ve been thinking about overwhelm lately because it’s something I talk about in therapy sessions a lot, especially during this time of year. I thought it would be good to refresh our memory of how to handle overwhelm as October is often the time of year when school can get REAL. We are out of the transition of September and things start amping up. For high school seniors it’s a season of college applications.

But, of course you don’t have to be in school to be overwhelmed! Who gets overwhelmed by #adulting? 🙋

Recognizing Overwhelm When It’s Happening

Overwhelm isn’t just anxiety. It can show up as feeling frozen, emotionally flooded, or even completely shut down. Some people describe it as “freaking out.”

First we have to notice overwhelm when it is happening. It looks different for everyone. You might notice physical symptoms like a racing heart, crying, or muscle tension. Mentally, you may catch yourself spiraling, catastrophizing ie imagining worst-case scenarios. The core emotion here is fear.

The image depicts our learning zones from Kristen Neff’s mindful self-compassion program. Being overwhelmed is beyond the zone of feeling challenged.

When we feel challenged, we’re still able to problem-solve, and there’s a sense of engagement and growth. In contrast, when we are overwhelmed, the problem-solving prefrontal cortex has gone offline and the fear-based amygdala is running the show. This is when coping with overwhelm becomes especially difficult.

In my sessions, I often say that if anxiety is in the 7–10 range (on a 1–10 scale), we probably need to do what we can to help our bodies feel safe and allow the moment to pass. I remind parents that when their children are this escalated, they are not going to be able to remember the breathing strategy they practiced with me and they probably won’t be able to implement the FEAR plan we came up with. This is not a failure, it’s just how the brain works when we’re in survival mode.

Instead, we want to notice when we’re in the 4–6 range, when anxiety is increasing. This is a window where we still have access to our problem-solving brain and emotional regulation. Here, we can start to apply grounding techniques or practice a new skill to support emotional resilience.

What helps when we are overwhelmed?

Ask yourself: What helps my body feel safe?

A hug?
A weighted blanket?
A quiet moment with your pet?

These are powerful tools for both adults and children navigating anxiety or emotional dysregulation. Parents—this probably isn’t the moment to jump in and strategize. A simple “Thanks for sharing with me. This is hard” can go a long way in building connection.

One simple exercise I recommend for overwhelm is called soles of the feet. You can listen to a 5-minute recording [here] or just try it on your own. Start by bringing awareness to the soles of your feet—notice any texture, pressure, or temperature, and how these sensations shift subtly as your weight shifts. I like to imagine I’m a tree, with roots extending deep into the ground. This kind of sensory focus and grounding exercise can be especially helpful in calming the nervous system during anxious or dysregulated moments.

And remember all moments pass. Even the hard ones (even though it can feel like they’ll last forever).

Important note: don’t wait until you or your child is overwhelmed to try a new skill. Grounding strategies like this work best when we’ve practiced them during a neutral or calm state first. That way, we’re more likely to be able to access them when anxiety starts to rise.

Wishing you a fall with minimal overwhelm and tools to help when it does show up.

What We're Reading

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

This book delves into the neuroscience of child development, offering practical strategies to help parents connect with and support their children during challenging times, which can be overwhelming!

What We're Practicing