Building the skill of tolerating uncertainty

Hi friends,

Hope you are staying warm and possibly enjoying some winter activities! I think I’ve had about 2 ½ feet of snow already this winter over here in Michigan and winter is still winter-ing!

A topic that has been coming up a lot in my sessions lately is tolerating uncertainty. I confess that this is a skill I continue to build in myself, so I thought I would write a bit about it here.

What Is Intolerance of Uncertainty (IU)?

Researchers describe intolerance of uncertainty (IU) as how strongly someone reacts—emotionally and behaviorally—when information is incomplete. IU is not limited to individuals with diagnosable anxiety disorders; it exists on a continuum in the general population.

In a study of children and adolescents receiving intensive cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety disorders and obsessive-compulsive disorder, higher IU at the start of treatment was associated with greater anxiety and functional impairment. Importantly, reductions in IU over treatment were linked with larger improvements in anxiety and day-to-day functioning, while persistently high IU predicted smaller treatment gains (Sperling, 2022).

Broader models of IU suggest that difficulty tolerating uncertainty increases emotional reactivity and drives short-term coping strategies (e.g., reassurance seeking, avoidance) that temporarily reduce distress but maintain it over time. Across clinical and non-clinical populations, greater tolerance of uncertainty is associated with lower emotional reactivity and less reliance on avoidance and control-seeking behaviors, supporting more flexible and adaptive responding under uncertainty (Carleton, 2016).

Taken together, this research supports a clear takeaway: tolerance for uncertainty is not a fixed trait—it is a modifiable skill, and strengthening it has benefits for emotional wellbeing beyond the treatment of clinical anxiety.

This is hopeful news for adults navigating stress, for parents raising anxious kids, and for anyone who notices their brain working overtime when plans shift, outcomes feel unclear, or the future feels foggy.

What Helps People Tolerate Uncertainty

Below are evidence-informed, therapy-informed ways to build this skill in everyday life.

1. A Sense of Agency

People tolerate uncertainty better when they believe they can do something meaningful, even if outcomes are unclear.

I like to ask myself “what is in my control in this situation”? For example, when my Amtrak train was cancelled due to a fire on the train tracks and it turned into a replacement bus, I could control charging my ipad and downloading The Final Show! I could not control whether the bus was on time, the weather, or when I got home, but I had some agency in how I spent my time while on the bus.

Even when big scary things are happening in the world, I ask myself “What is in my sphere of influence?”

A sense of agency reduces helplessness. When we identify even one small actionable step, our nervous system often settles just enough to move forward.

2. Values-Based Action

Uncertainty feels heavier when our attention is locked on outcomes. It becomes more manageable when attention shifts to moving forward with a small step using the information we have now.

For example, I don’t know how the cross country ski class I signed up for will go (given I’ve only gone a few times as an adult), but I value movement and being outdoors, so I’m going to show up and see what happens.

When kids (and adults) know what matters, they’re more willing to move forward without guarantees.

Values-based action is a cornerstone of many modern behavioral therapies. Acting in alignment with values—even without certainty—builds confidence and psychological flexibility over time.

3. Practice Living With “Incomplete Information”

Tolerance grows through repeated experiences of not resolving uncertainty. Everyday examples include:

• Waiting before checking (an exposure homework I like is not checking the restaurant menu before arriving!)

• Making a reasonable decision without researching “just one more thing”

• Letting plans stay flexible

We can also ask ourselves, “even if I don’t have certainty and it feels uncomfortable, I can remind myself of the times I’ve navigated uncertainty successfully in the past.”

The learning is simple but powerful:

“I didn’t have ALL the details and it went ok!”

When we resist the urge to immediately reduce uncertainty, we teach the brain that discomfort is survivable—and temporary.

4. Lower Cognitive and Emotional Load

Everyone’s tolerance for uncertainty drops when they’re exhausted or overwhelmed.

Adequate sleep, predictable routines, and emotional support don’t eliminate uncertainty—but they increase capacity to handle it.

In other words self-care is going to widen your window of tolerance so uncertainty feels less destabilizing.

For Parents: How to Build This Skill at Home

Helping children build tolerance for uncertainty is one of the most protective things we can do for long-term emotional resilience.

• Name effort (instead of giving reassurance).
  “You went ahead even though you weren’t sure. Way to go!”

• Resist the urge to answer the same question multiple times (when possible).
  For example, answer “will it rain today?” only once and then if asked again, prompt, “we already talked about that. We can move forward with an umbrella in the car”

• Model flexibility out loud.
  “We can change plans if we need to.” Moving forward while acknowledging uncertainty.

• Reduce certainty crutches gradually.
  Support independence instead of repeated confirmation. “I’m proud of you for going to the game even though we weren’t sure how the weather would turn out.”

• Make it fun.                                                      
  Gamify it by playing the uncertainty game: For example, what will be for breakfast?(an enjoyable pancake surprise rather than the same old weekday oatmeal). Notice when something unexpected happens that is positive - like running into a friend at the store. 

Parenting takeaway: The goal is not to eliminate uncertainty from your child’s life (impossible), but to help them experience that they can handle it.

The Bigger Picture

When kids and adults learn they can feel unsure and still act, anxiety loosens, confidence grows, and life gets bigger.

Building tolerance for uncertainty supports emotional wellbeing, reduces avoidance patterns, and increases flexibility in relationships, school, work, and daily life. It is a skill that grows with practice—not perfection.

If you’d like support in practicing these skills, we’re here to help.

Warmly,
Dr. Rachel and the Well Brain Team

What We’re Reading: Stuff That Sucks

A Teen’s Guide to Accepting What You Can’t Change and Committing to What You Can is a 2017 self-help book by clinical psychologist Ben Sedley. Written for adolescents, it introduces strategies from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to help readers acknowledge painful emotions, clarify personal values, and focus on meaningful action.

Check it out

Additional Reading on Living With Uncertainty:

A thoughtful, accessible summary.

Good News Corner:

I’ve loved following the monks and Aloka.

References:

Carleton, R. N. (2016). Into the unknown: A review and synthesis of contemporary models involving uncertainty. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 39, 30–43. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2016.02.007

Jacqueline Sperling (2022): The Role of Intolerance of Uncertainty in Treatment for Pediatric Anxiety Disorders and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Evidence-Based Practice in Child and Adolescent Mental Health, DOI: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/23794925.2022.2051215